Face Palm

So it’s been a while since something completely ridiculous has happened in the store. Yesterday, however, it appears that people took their stupid pills and then went out shopping. And while that sounds mean, it was definitely true.

Exhibit A: A woman came up to me with a military book and asked if it was nonfiction. I checked and said that yes, it was, indeed, nonfiction. Her response: “Oh. Well I don’t want that then. I want the books that are true stories.”

Her daughter was in the store and knew what nonfiction was. I very kindly explained that nonfiction meant that it was true. Meanwhile, I was totally judging her.

Exhibit B: After the nonfiction woman, a teenager and her mother came in looking for a book. It was not, “I have a title and an author.” No, it was “I maybe have a title, but I know the whole plot, so if you could find that..” The daughter is going on about some sort of romance book about suicide and love and star crossed lovers and maybe it is called The Plan. (The only Plan book we have is a weight loss book, so I think not.) I said I didn’t know of it and the teenager was fine with that. Her mother, on the other hand, was not. “Well, where do you keep the books with that kind of plot? Suicide? Violence? But in a romance.”

What I wanted to say was, “This is a bookstore. We do not organize books by plots.” I didn’t though, just said we didn’t have anything like that. The mother looked at me like I was the stupid one for not immediately finding them this book. They left in a huff.

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Fifty Shades of Awful

What is it about this Fifty Shades of Grey nonsense? A day does not go by at the bookstore without someone coming in and asking if we have it, or buying it, or talking about it to whoever they are shopping with, or talking about it to me. I do not see the appeal. I will not be reading this particular series, nor will I be reading whatever Sylvia Day has published that is apparently the same thing. I will not be giving you a recommendation based on your love of this book, either. So don’t get all huffy when I just nod and smile and silently wish you would just move on. Maybe a nice Young Adult book would be more your speed….(yes, I am very judgey….it happens. As a friend pointed out yesterday, we read real books, so we get to judge others’ reading choices.)

It is fun to guess which people are coming in expressly to find Fifty Shades. They are people who proudly declare that they do not really read, but they just have to read this one. Oh, really? That’s great for you. And now I will judge you. Or they are middle aged women, or women of any age really, who think it’s great. Or a friend told them to read it. At this point, the majority of the Burlington area must either have a copy of this book or know someone who has a copy of it. Also, how many of these people would actually enter an adult bookstore to purchase this book? I think that’s probably where it really belongs. And all the hype about it being a movie, why? Just why? As far as I know, there’s no plot.

There are lots of funny incidents that happen around this book. There has been a teenage boy who has opened the book to a random page, started reading it, and burst out laughing. He then looked at me sheepishly, as if to say, “oh, you caught me.” One lady spent about twenty minutes talking to me and the other girl working about it and how great it is and such. She was funny, but it was a weird conversation all the same.

My personal favorite was just before Christmas. A middle aged woman came in and asked to see the series. While perusing it, a guy she knows came in and started talking to her. I got the impression that they know each other from church. She had put the first book down in a hurry, and then backed away from that particular rack, as if she had not just been looking for it. They chatted and then she left without buying anything. She must have done the rest of her shopping because a few hours later she came back and bought the whole set, claiming it as a “gift.” Sorry lady, I bet God knows you bought it — even if it was for a “friend.”